Ritsuka's Worlds
by WoundedBlackWing
Summary: The world in Ritsuka eyes. Every chapter is contain short story. SoubixRitsuka, SeimeixRitsuka
1. Chapter 1

**Ritsuka's World**

Disclaimer: Loveless not belong to me

Pairing: SoubixRitsuka, SeimeixSoubi, SeimeixRitsuka

Summary: The world in Ritsuka eyes.

**3 years old world**

It's been 13th years since 'Ritsuka' was born. It's been 13th years this body has live. Yet, for me, I'm just 3rd years old. My world is just been 3 years, no more.

Since when my world had has been build? And since when my world has been destroyed? Was it's since I'm opening my eyes with 10th years old body? Was its' since mother starting to hit me? Was it's since Seimei die, I though that he die, in fire? Was it's since Soubi came into my live? Or was it's since I know the truth about Seimei?

My world is starting when I open my eyes, and destroy at the same time when I'm no longer the real 'Ritsuka'.

My world is staring and destroy every times mother hit me.

Seimei is my world, and it does destroy when he left me his love letter in form of dead burning body. He is my world, even though he the ones who destroy it.

Seimei is Soubi's world, and I don't know are he still is or not

Soubi is my world, and visa versa. And yet we destroy it by our own hands, by lies, lack of trust, secret, misunderstanding, denial, and Seimei reappearance.

My entire world has been destroying…Or do I ever have my own world? Or it has just merely a dream, a fantasy? That's why it's so easily build as easy as its being destroy?

000000000

This is the first chapter, so short. I know I make many mistake here and there, but please just enjoy it. I really appreciate any review.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ritsuka's World**

Disclaimer: Loveless not belong to me

Pairing: SoubixRitsuka, SeimeixSoubi, SeimeixRitsuka

Summary: The world in Ritsuka eyes.

**New world**

This is my new world. This world is starting when I opened my eyes.

_Who am I?_

You are Ritsuka, Aoyagi Ritsuka, they said.

_Who are you?_

We are your family, they told me so.

_Why can't I remember anything?_

We did not know, they said sadly.

And then I live in this new world. The world filled by strangers, who was confessed that they know me.

Why they're said those confusing things? Why they're asked me to believe in them when they are nothing but strangers to me? Why they're said that they'll help me when they didn't know what's happening to me?

How could they're said they know me when I didn't know anything about myself? How could they're said they know me when I'm no longer the old 'Ritsuka'? And how could they say that's everything gonna be alright even though it doesn't?

They showed me pictures, they told me a stories, about a boy named Ritsuka. What's the point in that? No matter what they showed me, told me, I just cannot remember anything. The boy in the picture, in the stories, is not me. It's Ritsuka, but it's not me. Then…if that Ritsuka is not me, then who am I?

_Who am I?_

You are Ritsuka, Aoyagi Ritsuka, they always said that.

But they're wrong. I'm not Ritsuka. I'm not the boy who always smiling, laughing, cheerful, has many friends and such things they claimed me to be. How could I smile or laugh without any reason? How could I have many friends when I just entering this world?

I making them sad, I know that. I can see the pain in their faces. I'm hurting them. But what can I do? I cannot pretend to be someone I didn't know. How can I become Ritsuka when Ritsuka is no longer around?

Me is me. I'm not Ritsuka. Why they couldn't accept that?

Ritsuka world is destroyed. His family world has been cracked too. And since I was the one who caused it, my new world is destroyed too.

0000000000

Chapter 2 is here. This one is about Ritsuka's feeling when he opened his eyes for the first time without any memories. This chapter is bad, I know it sigh but I hope you still enjoy it. Any review?


	3. Chapter 3

**Ritsuka's World**

Disclaimer: Loveless not belong to me

Pairing: SoubixRitsuka, SeimeixSoubi, SeimeixRitsuka

Summary: The world in Ritsuka eyes.

**Seimei's world (part 1)**

Seimei is my world. I lived in his world. The only world that accepted me.

_Ritsuka is Ritsuka._

Seimei is the only one who accepts me fully. He did not ask me to become the old Ritsuka. He cares about me. He loved me as me now.

_When mother goes berserk like that again, come find me._

Seimei is the one who always protecting me. When mother hits me, he is the one who defending me. When mother goes too much, he got angry for my sake. When I'm hurt, he is the one who taking care of my wounds. When I'm sad, he is the one who comforting me.

_Ritsuka, I love you._

Seimei is always so gentle with me. He said he loved me, and I believe him. Every caress is showed how much he loved me. Every word he says is always so soft. Every actions proof how much I means to him.

Every time we spend together is means so much to me. I'll never forget every single of them, I'll treasure it with all my heart. I still remember, we spend many times to talk and do many things. We often take a bathe together. Sometimes we even sleep together.

We were always together. Even if Seimei going somewhere, he still always come back to me, for me. Even he was busy, Seimei still always spending his time with me. Even if I bothering him when he was reading or doing something else, Seimei never seem bothered with me. When I need him, he is always there for me. Seimei is always make me smile, make me laugh. He makes my day felt better. His presence is enough to chase away all the bad things from me.

_I love you, Seimei._

And yes, I do. I love him more than anyone else. I feel secure in his embrace. I feel worth to live. I find a place where I belong. And most of all, I feel loved. Only Seimei could make me feel comfortable, make me feel complete. Even mother hits me, even father leave me, and even 'Ritsuka' friends avoiding me, it's alright. As long as I have Seimei in my side, then I didn't need anything else. As long as Seimei…

_Ritsuka, I'll tell only to you my real name. Beloved. The ones to be loved. Don't forget it._

Beloved. The ones to be loved. When the first time I learn that name, all I think was how beautiful that name is. Never did cross my mind, that name will be the last beautiful thing I heard from Seimei.

I'm opening my eyes, my tears are falling slowly. I'm standing in the middle of Seimei's room. But there is no Seimei. There is no comforting embrace. There is no sound of Seimei soft voice calling my name.

_Ritsuka, I love you._

No one is gonna told me that ever again. No one is gonna defend me when mother go berserk ever again. No Seimei to taking care of my wounds. No Seimei to comforting me. No Seimei to loving me.

I'm laying in his bed now. I still can smell his scent. My body still remembers his body heat when we sleep together. I clutch his pillow, my body shock harder as my tears fall faster.

Even if I'm crying, no Seimei soft hand to calm me now. Even if I calling him, no Seimei voice will answer me. Even if I came into his room, no Seimei will greet me. No matter how much I hope, no matter how much I beg, Seimei will not coming back.

Seimei is my world. But it has been taken away from me cruelly. All left for me is memories to hold on. What an ironic things to do for someone like me, someone who lose his memories.

Seimei, you are my world. When you're gone, my world has destroyed too. So why the world wasn't end yet?

00000000000

Chapter 3 is done too. This one is about Ritsuka's feeling about Seimei and the time they spend together until Seimei faking his death. Still have problem with grammar. Review, please?


	4. Chapter 4

**Ritsuka's World**

Disclaimer: Loveless not belong to me

Pairing: SoubixRitsuka, SeimeixSoubi, SeimeixRitsuka

Summary: The world in Ritsuka eyes.

**Misaki's world**

I lived in mother's world. When her world is destroyed, mine was started.

She was screamed again, she was cried again "You are not my Ritsuka! Where is my Ritsuka?!" Another plate is being thrown "Give me back my son! Give me back my Ritsuka! Ritsuka!!"

My cheek hurt, it's bleeding slowly.

"You're an imposter! You take my Ritsuka! Give him back! Give him back!" She picked up a knife and advanced toward me violently. The knife is being stabbed into my right hand, I screamed in pain, the blood is tickling down.

It's hurt, so much hurt. Not only because the knife stabbed, but because mother is the one who doing this to me. My chest rising and falling with each rapid breath I took. Every breath is pain, everywhere in my body feel hurt, but nothing compare to the pain in my heart.

She still screams as she hitting me. She still screams as she hurt me more. She still screams as she crying.

I didn't do anything, just let her be. My body feels hurt to move, my eyes feel so heavy. I let her do whatever she wants to do with me. I didn't have any right to fight her, not when I deserve this.

Because, she is crying, she is hurting herself. Every time she hurt me, she was in pain too. Every time she going berserk, we shared a pain.

It's alright, I deserve it. I was the sinister one. I take everything that belonged to her Ritsuka. I take away her beloved, cheerful son from her. Ritsuka is her world. Ritsuka is her everything. And I take it all. I destroyed her world.

I understand her pain, I feel the same about Seimei. I know how much is hurt when your everything, your most loved person, your whole world had been taken away.

This is punishment. This is what I got for destroying mother's world. Even now, my entire existence is still hurting her. Every time she saw me. Every time I have failed in her test. Every time she realizes that I'm not the one she hopped for. I'm destroying her world again and again. I was the sinister ones.

She is not doing anything wrong, she just doing the same as I did to her. By destroying my world, she is sharing her pain.

0000000000

Chapter 4 is done. I hope this chapter is make a sense. I just want to describe Ritsuka's feeling about her mother abuse. By the way, anyone know what Ritsuka's father name is? Please review.


	5. Chapter 5

Ritsuka's World

**Ritsuka's World**

Disclaimer: Loveless not belong to me

Pairing: SoubixRitsuka, SeimeixSoubi, SeimeixRitsuka

Summary: The world in Ritsuka eyes.

**Soubi's world (part 1)**

Soubi is my world. One day he suddenly showed up and forcing his way into my life.

_Suki da yo, Ritsuka._

How could you say that to someone you just meet? Someone you barely know?

_Suki da yo, Ritsuka._

He always said that. No matter how much I forbid him, he still saying that word.

_Suki da yo, Ritsuka._

No, you don't. You just were following Seimei order to love me.

_Suki da yo, Ritsuka._

And yet you told me a lie. You keep secret from me. You always were pretending. You keep me in dark. You never told me the truth about Seimei. You never tell me anything about yourself. Even though your mouth saying loves, your heart keeps silent. Even though you said that I'm important to you, Seimei name still standing above me.

_Whenever you call, I'll always pick up._

You never do when I need you the most. Even now, I'm still staring at the phone you were given to me. Sometimes, when I'm feeling lonely, or when I hopped you call me, the phone is stay silent. My voice isn't reaching you, Soubi.

_You are my sacrifice, and I was your fighter now._

Yet you fight alone. You prefer to fight alone rather than calling me. And when you hurt, you refuse to tell me. Our bond is not strong enough to make us able to feel each other.

_I'll do everything for you, Ritsuka_

No, you don't. You never do anything I really hope you for. All the things you done is not for me. You do it for fulfill Seimei's last wish. You do it to fill your role as fighter. You do it because you must.

You are my world Soubi, even though you not let me into yours.

000000000

Chapter 5 is here. Hope you like it. Review is greatly appreciated.


	6. Chapter 6

Ritsuka's World

**Ritsuka's World**

Disclaimer: Loveless not belong to me

Pairing: SoubixRitsuka, SeimeixSoubi, SeimeixRitsuka

Summary: The world in Ritsuka eyes.

**Soubi's world (part 2)**

I was Soubi's world, as Seimei replacement.

_Because Ritsuka didn't come to my place, I'm coming to you._

How can I come to you when I know nothing of you? Before you come to me, you didn't exist in my world, Soubi.

_Give me strength, Ritsuka. Ritsuka wa otosu._

What kind of pervert you are? Suddenly kissing an 12 years old boy you just meet hours ago? Even though you say you wouldn't do anything to me. Soubi, did you realize how lucky you are because your victim is me? Any sane person would run like hell, or calling the cops (after run like hell).

_Punish me, Ritsuka._

Another proof how insane you are. No right in mind person would ask 12 year old to hurt them. No, Soubi, I will not raise my hands on anyone.

_Suki dayo, Ritsuka._

Stop! I said stop saying those lie! I didn't want to hear those meaningless word. The word you use to bind me, to bind yourself, to fulfill Seimei's order. A spell to love. A love spell to make us believe. Why are you keep saying that, even you know it hurting me? But deep inside I know, you kept saying that to hurt me, so I can hurt you just the same. Why pain always there between us, Soubi?

I am no kid, Soubi. Ever since the first time I wake up as not the 'real' Ritsuka, I was never a kid. A kid time is reserved for the 'real' Ritsuka, those happy, playful, innocent time is not mine to have. But still, there are so many things I cannot understand just yet. And since I meet you Soubi, I understand things as much as I didn't understand them. You make me so confused, Soubi.

_If Seimei order you to kill me, would you do that, Soubi?_

Did you know why I'm asking you that? It's not because I don't trust you or doubt you. No, it's because I'm scared, I don't think I can refuse Seimei's wish, and I know you do too. Seimei is dead, I shouldn't think something crazy like this. But I just couldn't stop thinking about it.

_I will_

What kind of answer I actually hope? I know your answer without even asking you. So why did it hurt so much when you do answer? Why I'm feeling like crying?

_If that day came, I'll die too_

I didn't expect you to say that, Soubi. Your answer lift a heavy burden I feel. So I lean into your embrace and crying silently. I can feel you cry with me, and I know we cry for the same reason. Cry for relieve, happy feeling. Somehow the distance between us is getting short, make us feel close to each other. In other side, we cry for sad, pathetic feeling we have. Because it shown how much power Seimei have upon us, and how weak we are in presence of him. How much more sickening we could be, Soubi? Prefer to die rather than say 'no' to Seimei, even though he asks for insane things.

We walk home hand in hand. Seimei is still between us, and his place is still unshakeable. But maybe, just maybe, we can try. Even we still struggle with the darkness within us, maybe we can support each other to keep on walking. Hopefully, a more beautiful night is waiting for us.

Soubi is my world, and I was Soubi's world. I hope it can last.

0000000000

More will come. Next will be about Ritsuka's feeling about Seimei's other side and when he does return. Review is much needed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Seimei's world (part 2)**

Even now, Seimei is still my world.

All I know about Seimei is how gentle he was to me. He accept me, care for me. He always be in my side, protecting me. The one who love me so dearly. Seimei is my most important person in the world.

So why those people; Yamato, Kio, Nanatsu no Tsuki, said otherwise? Why are they bad mouthing you?

_I don't like that guy, he look down upon us. Seimei was a jerk._

_Seimei is extreme clean freak. He would even go to the extend of not eating in front of the others. He's definitely not normal._

_Seimei just disgust me._

_I hate Seimei because he is very violent. _

That can't be true. They just hate you, I didn't believe them! Seimei is not a bad person, he treated me very kindly! Seimei is violent? Beating, cutting, and yelling?

_Seimei is the only one for me. But I'm not the only one for him._

I can't say anything, not when Soubi said it with that look on his face. But I can't believe it! Seimei is … not someone who can do such a things. Yet, yet why you have such horrible scars, Soubi?

_This isn't abuse, it's a mark of ownership. It's a bond._

Bond? What kind of bond is that? I don't understand, I really don't understand anything at all. My head hurt, my heart hurt, why its hurt like this? I shouldn't doubting Seimei, I shouldn't listen to them.

_Seimei, the fish are dead! I wonder how they died._

_The blood? It's not mine. I'm fine._

_I threw it away. You shouldn't eat handmade things, they might be dirty._

_Ritsuka, I'm frighten you don't I?_

No! I wasn't scared of Seimei. I loved him. Seimei would never betray me. I want to believe in Seimei, in Soubi.

_My name is Beloved. I am the fighter of Aoyagi Seimei._

Seimei … are you really alive?

_Ritsuka, I'm back._

Seimei is here. He is alive. I can see him, I can touch him. I'm so happy, but, this means … Seimei, you lied to me. All this time we spend together. All things I know about you. Your love to me … Seimei, are all of that is nothing but a big lie?

Seimei is my world, he is the one who start it, and now he is the one who destroy it.

0000000000

Chapter 7 is here. Two more to go!


	8. Chapter 8

**Seimei's world (part 3)**

Does Seimei still my world?

_Ritsuka, get away from that guy. He's the villain here!_

_I want you to kill him! Destroy him to the very core! I don't care how you do it, just make sure he dies!!_

Seimei is betraying me. And so does Soubi.

_Seimei, why did you lie to me? Why did you fake your death and leave me alone?_

_Why is it that Soubi so afraid of you? Why do so many people hate you?_

Seimei is hurting Soubi, Seimei is lied to me.

_Perhaps they fear that I'll soon murder them?_

I mad at Seimei, he had deceived me.

_Ritsuka, do you hate me?_

But, even so …

_I will love you, no matter which Ritsuka you are. _

_I'll always love you, even you never return that love. _

Even so …

_I love you._

_Even since we met on that day, I've loved you! _

_Ritsuka is the only person alive that is exactly the same as I am._

I, about Seimei …

_Ritsuka, please choose me over everything._

I had forgiven Seimei. I was mad at him. I want to accept Seimei. I want to reject him. I want to choose Seimei. I can't throw away everything. I love him. I hate him. All of those conflicting emotions I feel … please, I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I don't even know my own feeling. It's hurt, so much pain. Why I had to feel this much suffering …?

_I guess it was your answer, Ritsuka._

No, I didn't have any answer. I can't answer you, Seimei, not right now. Why can't you give me some time to think?

_Blow open the door that acts as my obstacle._

_You will not disobey me._

And then, Seimei is gone ... Soubi help him escape under Seimei's order.

_Please forgive me._

I can see it in Soubi's face. His pain, suffer, regret, self hatred.

_I betrayed you. I helped Seimei escape._

_Ritsuka, do you want to be in the presence of a traitor?_

Please, no more question. I can't give any answer. I'm so tired. I'm really exhausted. I just want to close my eyes and feel nothing, think nothing.

As sleep come to me, something whispering to me … yes, I still love Seimei, that's why it's hurting me so much.

In the end, Seimei is still my world.

0000000000

I'm inserting a lot of spoiler of volume 9 here, only a little from my own actually. Next one will be the last chapter. Please review.


	9. Chapter 9

**Ritsuka world**

Where is my real world?

Since when everything begins? For me, for mother, for Seimei, for Soubi, for all of us?

For me, my starting point is when I'm no longer the 'real' Ritsuka. And my life really screw up since the beginning. My mother beating me up because she can't accept her son is no longer and being replaced by imposter. She was sharing her pain that she can no longer deal by her own. My father never really care, he just turn his back. The only one who loved me back then is Seimei, until he faked his death. And then I change school, meet Yuiko, Yayoi and Shinomone - sensei. Soubi show up and forcing his way into my life, and dragging me into the world I never know exist before, the world of sacrifice and fighter, the world of spell battle, the world of 'true' name.

Just when I started to accepting things, when I feel I can be happy with Soubi, Yuiko, and the other, the truth about Seimei is slowly revealed. At first, for me it's nothing but lie, I didn't believe any single thing of that. Yet, as thing progress, I don't know what to believe anymore … Desperately, I'm searching for answer in the dark, even it means I must face Nanatsu no Tsuki.

And then … and then, Seimei reappeared. Of course I'm happy, how couldn't I? My world has return, yet … this mean, everything is nothing but a lie. Why Seimei? Why you doing this to me? If you love me dearly, why lied to me? If no one as important as me in the world, why did you hurt me? Why did you leave me behind and let me suffering all this time?

I don't understand, Seimei … just what kind of love do you have for me? What kind of love, that can make you faking your own death, ordering your Sentoki to love me, pulling me into the world of spell battle, dealing with Nanatsu no Tsuki, and then just reappear like you done nothing wrong?

I love you, Seimei, but your love is hurting me, and make me scared. I can't understand your way to love me, Seimei. Is that your way to love me Seimei? To make me love you, to make me suffer when I though I lost you in cruelest way? Do you how many night I spend in tears? How many times I want to follow after you? Do you know part of me died within you that day? How I was struggle to keep on living without you? And then there's Soubi, do you know how much he hurt me when I know he lie to me? Did you realize what kind of pain I must experience since he comes? Knowing that, did you order him to love me, to tell a lie, to become my Sentoki, to involve with Nanatsu no Tsuki on purpose? Is this all your plan, Seimei? To make me hurt more? And much more when you appear before me, alive, without any scar, without any explanation but a word of love?

Just what do you want from me, Seimei?

_Ritsuka, please choose me over everything._

_If you love me Ritsuka, will you give me your whole self? Will you sacrifice your entire being?_

Is that what you want from me? Total devotion? I will, if only you did not done this kind of thing. Am I being tested by you Seimei? You didn't believe my love for you that much so you have to make me suffered first? Seimei, you are my only world, I did not know any world beside yours, I'll do anything, I trust you blindly, I'll give you everything, nothing does matter to me as long as I have you, before you destroy it by your own hand.

Or did you want something more big? Something I can't give you? Am I what you want or just a pawn in your game? Did you really love me or just want to posses me?

Seimei, mother, and then Soubi … why those I love bring so much pain to me? Is this why my name is Loveless, the one without love? Because even though I can love, that love will not return without so much pain? Because no one will love me without any reason? Because my love will bring me more and more pain? How can my world become like this?

All the happiness I felt, all the pain I must endure, the truth I must face, the betrayal I experience, all of it, mainly because of you Seimei. You are my world, since the beginning until now and maybe forever. But I no longer lived in your world only Seimei, I live in mother's, in Soubi's, in the world of spell battle.

This is my world, the world where I lived in many world inside, with so many feeling crammed into me. This is my world, Ritsuka's world.

000000000

All right, that's it from now. Since there are still so many mysteries in Loveless world, this one will end here. Actually this chapter is just a resume, n mainly about Seimei, maybe the title of this chapter should be 'Seimei's World (part 4)'? But since Seimei _is_ the core of Ritsuka's world (at least from my opinion) so there. Thank you very much for all of you who kind enough to read this story and give me review. So sorry for the long wait, n for my bad grammar, I really suck at things like that n maybe beyond reparation. Anyway, see you in my other story then, I'll try to find time to write between my busy schedules. Matta ne.


End file.
